It was a post from running marvel and nicest-guy-you’ll-ever-meet
Brad that did it. He mentioned running through his old school grounds and banishing
demons.
I gripped the kitchen worktop as my head whirled and the ‘Nam-style
flashbacks lined up to punch my brain like that scene in Full Metal Jacket. To
say I hated PE at school would be an understatement. I truly detested PE at
school. Until the later years, when they
would just shove a badminton racket I our hands and throw us in the gym, it was
just a weekly lesson in humiliation.
I think I may still hold the record for the longest
continuously in-growing toenail in School history.
I still remember turning up in horror one day to find that
as we’d missed the mass race the week before, we had to run 1500m. There were
three of us, basically the Top, Middle and bottom of the school hierarchy. I’d
never run more than 10 years in my life. The PE teacher half snarled “I’m
expecting three very different time from you three” and set us off. So I ran
and ran and ran and after 200m found myself on my own miles back from the other
two. Other kids were doing sports round the outside of the grass track we were
running on. Seeing my lug my hefty bulk round the field caused hilarity all
round. I’d never felt so humiliated and just wanted the ground to swallow me up
(and give me a snack), so after 600m, yes you read that right 600m, I stopped
with a ‘stitch’.
The other end of scale for my PE experiences was Cross-Country.
Now my school was in the middle of a housing estate. There was a big playing field (remember
those) and absolutely NO HILLS. I only ever remember us doing ‘XC’ once and it
involved running down the road to a teacher who was acting as a lamppost, back
to the school round the playing fields and then repeat as a second lap. We all
set off and I quickly found myself trailing at the back as usual, the distances
seemed massive at the time but it couldn’t have been more than a couple of
miles. I think I was lapped by the winners just as I was starting the second
lap. I headed down to the teacher ‘lamppost’ and remember run/walking back with
him towards the school; it would have been clear there was no one behind me. I
think everyone was stretching off as I started my way around the playing
fields. And I limped home in a time that I still remember was double the amount
of time it took Kevin Harris (our year’s best runner) to do the same course.
The reason I remember the XC though is that it was a
positive memory in that I didn’t give u;. Yes I huffed and puffed, yes I was
last, yes I walked most of it but I still finished. When we were all gathered
afterwards, me still panting, (everyone else showered, changed, having had a
double maths lesson….) we had to shout out our times. I actually felt pride in
shouting out my impossibly slow time. It was the one and only time I posted a
result in my school athletic career and nobody could take it away from me.
School PE isn’t Sport – It is crowd control. Until we tackle
this we are destined to become a nation of ever more obese TV watchers. No one
encouraged me to take part in sport at School, why would they? I was rubbish. But
the lack of belief and knock of confidence those horrible days showered on me, it
took another 15 years before I dared dip my toe into the sporty waters.
And the rest is history...
Fuck You PE, Fuck You.
